Pushing the limits

I had let myself fall into a rut. And I let myself be put in a box: the epitome of the good girl, doing exactly what everyone expected of me. A daily routine of work, my relationship and chores. And a growing instinct to say "No" when presented with opportunities both big and small.

I fell further and further into this miserable pattern, until one day I looked in the mirror and saw an unsmiling girl wearing glasses and no mascara, sporting yoga pants and sneakers, staring back at me. She hadn't bought new shoes in eight months. Worse yet, this girl was heading out for coffee with a dear friend, and dreading an evening where the only thing she could bear to report from her life was a week of watching TV shows alone on her computer.

What had happened to that social, high-heel and skirt-wearing person who was always up for a visit with a friend? Who would never be caught dead in public without her favourite mascara? Who enjoyed sports, games, restaurants, movies and dancing? Who not only enjoyed trying new things but actively sought challenges and ways to push herself? She would have never been caught dead spending entire weekends stuck indoors, with no plans and little to no human interaction.

I'm still unsure how I let that person go. But when my marriage ended, I realized I desperately needed to reclaim that person, the "real me." It wasn't so much starting over, but rather rewinding, and letting myself embrace life again.

So, I embarked on a "Summer of saying yes" challenge, where I would seize all the opportunities presented to me. While my natural instinct was often still to say no, even without a good excuse or reason, I vowed to take a moment to examine my reaction before vetoing suggestions.

The results were exhausting, exhilarating, empowering and a touch expensive. And, perhaps most important of all, I feel like me again.

A few of my summer highlights
- Running a half-marathon
- Travelling home alone to Nova Scotia
- Completing a fitness bootcamp
- Go-karting with my little brother
- Performing a lot of karaoke. A lot.
- Hosting a housewarming party
- Reclaiming my love of dressing up and my high heel collection
- Joining a ball hockey league
- Learning to mix classic cocktails, including mojitos and sidecars
- Making a lot of new friends, and re-igniting relationships that had been left to languish when I dealt with my crumbling personal life
- Building a lot of Ikea furniture. Some of it solo.
- Learning to ask for help. When things go poorly, my instinct is still to withdraw, but I'm actively trying to reach out in times of crisis. And I'm always shocked by the number of people who pull through with emergency cocktails, cookies and encouraging texts and calls.
- Living alone.
- Dancing until the wee hours of the morning.
- Watching the sun rise with friends after a night out. On more than one occasion. Turns out it's hard to hail a cab at 6:30 in the morning.
- Excellent concerts, including Sting, Metric, and my little brother's band

I feel stronger, happier, healthier and more grounded than ever before. And I'm now five months migraine-free, a miracle unto itself. 

Sure, there were some nights when I likely would have benefited from a quiet evening in with my pjs over three-inch heels and a pint, but honestly, all that sleep deprivation was well worth the memories.

So worth it, in fact, that I'm turning my challenge to myself into a full year. At least.