Baby steps

When my marriage ended, I created a to-do list for myself. It said, simply: "Get life in order." Of course, that's a massive task!

In the beginning, that meant coping day-to-day. Surviving hour to hour. Losing that wide-eyed shocked look. Finding my appetite. Getting past that trauma skinny stage that made me look like a stick insect.

As the weeks progressed, it meant coming up with plans for the future and my short-term survival. Like getting set up in my temporary space with the things I needed, everything from enough clothes to get me through a work week to my cell phone charger.

Then, as I learned to accept and adapt to my new situation, it came time to tell people. Breaking my news continues to be hard even now, but it was also a relief to stop living a double life; answering that things were fine when my life had fallen apart months earlier. Being able to say that I'd been through a rough patch - and survived - was actually easier than continuing the lie.

Then, I needed to find a place to live. Come up with a plan for unravelling the remains of my old life - a life that now feels like it belongs to a totally different person.

Once I found my bachelorette pad - named the jPad, though the Jen-nasium seems to have stuck - and came up with a plan to sell Casa Speedy, my list morphed from survival to finding ways to thrive.

That meant divvying up the final pieces of my old life, changing back to my maiden name and furnishing my apartment so I could cook, clean, work and entertain.

The list kept growing longer. But every day grew easier and my plans started to extend from the day-to-day (or, frankly, hour to hour those first few days) to week-to-week and month-to-month.

Now, not only have I managed ways to get by, I've crossed off bigger life goals: find a full time job, pay off my student loan and get healthier.

It feels shocking, but for the first time in my life, I feel like the pieces are all finally coming together, and I've got what I want.

I'm not looking at the day-to-day, but planning bigger goals and the years to come. I'm now tackling my financial future, looking at ways to develop professionally and contemplating where I want to be in five years - even dreaming of the day when I settle down with a lovely gentleman and a precocious three-year-old.

Of course, my "get life together" list is still long. But I feel like I'm on the right track, one baby step at a time.