Plans

I don't have a five-year plan. I don't have a one-year plan. I just made plans for a trip in August and bought some concert tickets for the summer, and that feels pretty huge to me.

Now, it's not like I dread the future. In fact, I am ready to embrace it, run into it, jump into it and see what it has to throw at me. I will stand on my balcony and scream into the Toronto night, "Bring it!"

I just, perhaps, have commitment issues.

I used to have long-term plans. I had a kitchen reno mapped out. I had savings commitments. I had vacation plans. Kids were on the radar as a possibility someday. There was career maps, intentions to someday move outside of Toronto, perhaps Ottawa's suburbs or Kingston, and settle down properly.

Then, things changed, quickly. Planning a week in advance was difficult. Anything further, I was wishy-washy at best. My life became a lot about making up for lost time. Reconnecting with friends. Meeting new gents. Partying. Living it up. Racking up life experiences and enjoying some of the silliness I never got to have in university.

I'm still, maybe, working some of that out of my system. But perhaps most shockingly, and impressive, of all, I'm starting to feel properly settled in my life. A schedule change at work has me hopeful for a routine. I've got fun sports commitments. I've renewed my lease for my apartment, and, after another Ikea trip, should have everything just the way I want it. I've got steady, solid friends I can count on. I've now been in Toronto for four years, and it's finally feeling like my city and maybe, almost, my home.

So, of course, I find myself starting to think a little more about the future. I've been saving for a condo downpayment in kind of an abstract way. I have a few travel dreams. I've started to think about career development and maybe, if I can buckle down and commit to the time, doing my masters in political science. I miss learning. And when else in my life am I going to be unburdened enough to just pursue whatever my little heart desires?

Because, if anything, my quarter-century crisis has taught me that anything can happen. And, while I'm good at being single, there may be some day where a guy comes along and I'm going to need to consider someone else's needs. I am not even going to pretend that I'll let anyone, ever, slow me down again, I can't pretend that it wouldn't change my lifestyle. So, I'm going to seize the moment, while also acknowledging that just maybe I'm starting to grow up. I'm getting a do-over, and I'm liking it.

Maybe 26 will be the year where I stop making up for lost time and start moving forward. Again.