What are the odds?

Yesterday, I did a charity fun run. At only 5K, and the relatively civilized hour of 10 a.m., it was, hopefully, going to be a breeze. The run went fine, good even, but there was a little bump in the road: I saw my ex.

Lined up at the start line with my friends, not five feet away, I saw the face that I used to wake up next to every morning. Maybe I'm still trained to seek him out of a crowd - after all, I was there with 2,000 other runners, and I didn't even see the friends I was trying to find.

Being ever mature, responsible and calm, how did I react? I hid. I immediately ducked behind a friend. And said, in shocked tones, "Look over to your right. No I mean my right, your left. Can you believe it?"

Then, I started to wonder whether he'd see me. I was wearing a hat he gave me, but everything else has changed. My hair is shorter. My running gear is different. After boot camp and running and my other activities, my body has changed a bit. I like to think, when I'm not crouched down hiding out, I even stand a little straighter.

In maddeningly frustrating girl fashion, I also started to question myself. Why didn't I put on makeup this morning? If he saw me, would he notice that I'd put on weight? What about how tired I looked? Would it worry him like it used to, or would he take some pleasure in it? See it as evidence that I don't cope as well without him? (In reality, it's the time change, my crazy schedule and a middle of the night wake up call on Friday due to the wave of disasters in Japan.)

I didn't talk to him. I didn't make eye contact. I was pleased to see he was still working out, a habit he started after our breakup, and that he was there with his new girlfriend and what looked like a group of friends. Almost a year ago, we were both in really bad places, and it's good to know that he's doing OK, even if it is details gleaned from a frozen, deer-in-the-headlights moment when I caught sight of him at the starting line.

But, the whole experience definitely surprised me, and shook me up a little. I mean, I know Toronto's not that big of a city, but we've managed to not see each other anywhere in months and months. I think the last time we saw each other was in September. Because of that limited contact, it's easy to think of my life in two parts, old and new, before April 2010 and after April 2010. Obviously, it's not so clear cut as that.